So I usually post happy fun stuff on here, but today not so much. I feel like I need to vent. Don't feel like you need to read this, it's really just therapy for me.
Today was kind of a bummer day. The high point was I did get to ride my horse, which was awesome, but the rest of the day just kind of stunk. I have found in the past 4 years that I get super bummed when I feel I am being a bad mom. Then when I get super bummed about it, I get mean and very crabby. I know Joey doesn't understand that I get short with him when I am frustrated with myself, and I try to not take my frustration out on him like that, but sometimes it slips through. Poor kid.
At Joey's birthday party, he got two 'frank' toys (from the movie cars) so I returned one to Meijer a couple days ago and let him pick out any toy he wanted (not something I usually do... the kid's got enough toys, but it was his birthday present that someone had gotten for him and they wanted him to get something special for himself) So my very deliberate kid spent half an hour wandering up and down the toy aisles in Meijer appraising all the toys. He knew he had $17 to spend and understood when I said something was too expensive (like the $50 car track...). He finally settled on a 'gear up and go' lightning mcqueen. I don't know how many cars the kid needs to get before he has enough - he is obsessed! But this car is pretty cool - pieces come off and you can put other pieces on. It's kind of the mr. potato head of cars. He LOVES it. He has been toting it around the past two days changing him and putting different tires on him and turning him into a hot rod. Definately a favorite toy. He has even been taking it to bed with him.
Well today when I went to ride, I took him and Savanna to Meemaw's house. He said he wanted to take his new lightning. I hesitated knowing the risk of losing pieces, but I did let him take it - no extra pieces, but just the car with the pieces that were on it currently. After I went and got him, I decided to go to Tractor Supply Company and get a couple of small things I needed for my horse for the show this weekend. I knew it would be a quick trip and I knew Savanna was tired and hungry and needed to get home for a nap. So we ran in real quick and I didn't even think about the fact that Joey had taken his car in - had I thought about it, I would have made him leave it in the car. Well, as we were checking out he starts crying. I asked him what's wrong and he said 'Lightning's mouth!' I look down and lo and behold the mouth was missing off of his toy. Ugh. I had Savanna in the sling and she was already pretty fussy being hungry and tired, but I had to find that piece! So we searched everywhere we had been in the store but to no avail. We re-traced our steps 3 times and looked under all the shelves. The TSC associates probably thought I was nuts. Joey was in full breakdown mode and Savanna was well on her way. We finally had to leave without the piece. Joey's little heart was just broken!!
This is where I'm a bad mom. I felt so bad for him and was stressed with the baby being fussy I wasn't near as patient with him as I should have been. I was annoyed he had only had the toy 2 days before he loses an important part (the only other mouth that came with it is a 'tounge' mouth that Joey doesn't particularly like). I felt like we had wasted $15 bucks. Plus Joey was sooo broken hearted - his little world was just crumbling around him. Of course I hugged him, but he definately picked up on my annoyed vibes which I know just stressed him out further. I did not have the nicest words for him (not super mean, but just short). I do love him so much - I don't know why I get so short with him - I don't know why I can't let him have the emotions he has naturally as a 4 year old.
But it's all good. I know Joey will still play with this car, even without a mouth. I know it's not a big deal at all. I just hate seeing him with his heart broken like that. It breaks my heart too - even when it's just a stupid car. I can't imagine the heartbreak mothers have when they don't have enough food for their children.
At any rate, I've just been bummed today- maybe it was the rain making me down. I just hope tomorrow is better. It's another chance to show my children how important they are to me. It stinks how a little trivial thing like that can ruin the day. Thanks for listening to my vent! Maybe you other mothers out there can give me advice on how to stay positive and how to not get so short with my babies when I get frustrated. They don't deserve that.
4 months ago
3 comments:
Oh Sara, that is so sad! Not how you acted, but that Joey lost his toy. We all go through it, the best thing is that you, unlike many moms, feel bad if you feel like you have been short with your kids and try to do better next time. If only all moms were like you.
I can't tell you how to not get frustrated. That's like telling you to change your personality and say that when you feel like you're getting frustrated, just DON'T. Yeah...not so easy. But sometimes there's something we can do once the deed has been done. I really don't have a lot of experience with my own kids to be able to give good advice, but I think this is what I'd do: get him to come sit on your lap, give him a great big cuddly hug, tell him that you're sorry about his car and how you acted, and maybe even ask him to forgive you... you'd be teaching him that sometimes we all make mistakes, and the proper way to seek forgiveness, and giving him an opportunity to learn how to forgive. You can sit there and cuddle for a little while, or if he's just not in the mood, you can make him a little treat to show him how much he means to you. I think it's in the little things that kids understand how much you love them!
You are doing just fine as a mom. We all get frustrated at times we probably shouldn't. Just keep loving and hugging him and ultimately, that will be what he remembers as he grows up. You can't expect to be perfect with two grumpy kids when you have a lot on your mind. hang in there. :) Love you!
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