7 Years Ago Today - thoughts on marriage

Wow! Today is our 7 year anniversary. It has been quite a journey over the past 7 years. It has been a time of ups and downs that I never could have dreamed of. There is so much about marriage that I never understood before, but I do now. It really makes me wonder how much I have yet to learn. I am not good with words which is why I'm not the best blogger in the world, but I think I'll make a list of some of the theories and thoughts on marriage I have.

1. First off, I had always heard of the '7 year itch' Also, statistically speaking, the majority of marriages that end usually do so in the first 7 years. Honestly, I have never been more comfortable in my marriage than I am right now. If anything, Kris and I had a '4 year itch' or maybe a '5 year itch'. We had a rough patch in there when we really sought out LDS family services marriage counselling. We just could not see eye-to-eye for anything. We were like rams constantly locking horns. But now things are soooo much better and I am happy with where our marriage is. I hope we never get into a low spot like we did a couple years ago - but I think we know the warning signs now and can avoid it before it comes to that.


2. I've heard the first year of marriage is the hardest. Not so in our case - it was by far the easiest.


3. Babies change EVERYTHING about your relationship and will prove each and every strength and each and every weakness in yourself and in your marriage.


4. I don't believe in 'soul mates.' There are some people who are better for people than others, but I honestly truly 100% believe that any righteous man and righteous woman can have a happy healthy marriage with one another. I think this is why 'arranged marriages' work so well in other countries (not that I think all marriages should be arranged - I do NOT think that. Picking your own spouse is important) I'm just saying that if BOTH parties are willing to make the marriage work, it will work.


5. I find that sooo many couples fight or get in arguments for selfish reasons (us included). I find a fight that we used to get in alot was about Kris working late. Well I found that my getting upset with him about it pushed us even further apart. Where does that leave me? Still alone! I learned that fighting with him about not being home makes matters even worse. In the line of work he is in, he really can't avoid it. What I need to do is support him working as much as he does so he doesn't feel like when he comes home he's just going to be nagged at for being late. Who wants to come home to that? Also, for example, I used to get upset with Kris because I didn't feel 'special'. He's really not a romantic guy at all. When I was at BYU I clearly remember my Marriage, Family, Human Developemnt teacher taught us about 'love currency.' Just like US won't take currency from China, our love currency is all different. Kris' form of love currency is working his butt off to provide for us. My form of love currency is doing small things - a note here, a back rub there. I never saw him working so hard for us as a labor of love for us and the fact he never did many of the small things that I viewed as showing love made me feel like I wasn't loved. I had to learn to accept his love currency and now that I have (and am still learning to) I do feel 'special.' That man is working his life away, but we have a warm house, clothes, more than enough food, and I can buy what the kids need as well, AND I get to stay home with my babies which is the best gift Kris could ever give me.


6. A successful marriage requires the utmost humility in both partners.


7. You cannot change someone. Ever. Period.


8. You need to learn to bend and change yourself for marriage to work. You can't think "How can I change him??" You must think "How can I change myself or the situation to accept him?" Example (I know... it's a lame one). It used to drive me NUTS that Kris' dirty clothes were always in a pile by his bed inside out and backwards all over the place. I mean, is it THAT hard to get it in the hamper?? But, over the years of getting upset with him about it (again, how is getting upset going to change it?) now there is a basket by his side of the bed. All of the clothes make it in there. That is acceptable. I still have to turn them right side out and separate them, but I was willing to make that change, since he was willing to make them in the basket. Obviously this 'changing yourself' works much better on a larger scale, this was just a trivial example.


9. I read in an Ensign article once something that really hit me. It was a true story a woman told about having a fight with her husband. Whatever the fight was about (it didn't say), she was CERTAIN she was right. After having a huge blow up fight about it, she went to a private place and prayed. She said a voice came to her clear as day that said "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?" So true! She said even though this one fight wouldn't have broken up the marriage, over the years fights like this would have. She had learned that just because she's right about something, it's not a reason to argue. Just let it go. Somethings just aren't worth being 'right' about.


10. It's so hard for me to do, but I truly feel that your home needs to be the safe haven for both you and your spouse. Arguing has no place in a home. This is something I am working on - we still argue way too much - but I hope that maybe in the next 7 years we can get there. Thankfully we don't get in the big blow up fights like we used to, but there is still too much bickering. We need to form a house that is a safe harbor, and I think we're on our way there, in this vessel of life, it just might take a while.


11. Marriage is like an indoor roller coaster. Seriously. There are ups and downs, twists and flips that you never see coming. Life is like that roller coaster, but isn't it more fun riding a roller coaster with a friend? It makes the ups and downs twice as intense, but in the end you are glad that you weren't alone.


12. Marriage is a wonderful and beautiful thing, but it's also a very difficult thing. When you first get married everything is lillies and buttercups - it is easy to promise forever, when you really have no CLUE of what forever will bring. But it's worth it to just hold on. I'm glad I didn't give up a couple years ago and I am so happy with where we are now. I know we're on an up swing, and I worry about what the next 'down' will be, but I think we're stronger now and know how to approach problems. Together.

I know this is a ginormous post, but I do want to end with the lyrics to a song. It is by Nickel Creek and the analogies are AMAZING. Take a minute to think about each line. It is about a marriage that is about to fall apart and the words are just SO true.

Reasons Why by Nickel Creek

Where am I today? I wish that I knew.
• Because looking around there's no sign of you.
• I don't remember one jump or one leap,
• Just quiet steps away from your lead.
  
• I'm holding my heart out but clutching it too,
• Feeling just short of a love that we once knew.
• I'm calling this a home when it's not even close.
• I'm playing a role with nerves left exposed.
  
• Standing on a darkened stage, stumbling through the lines,
• Others have excuses. I have my reasons why.
  
• We get distracted by the dreams of our own,
• But nobody's happy when feeling alone.
• And knowing how hard it hurts when we fall,
• We lean another ladder up against the wrong wall,
• And climb, high to the highest rung to shake fists at the sky
• Others have excuses, I have my reasons why.
  
• With so much deception, it's hard not to wander away.
• It's hard not to wander away.

Aw man... darn it. We're stuck.

This past week I had been planning ALL week to go down to my friend, Amy's, house. I was sooo excited because I hadn't seen her in a while, and I wanted to see her new baby chicks. I also love to see all of her animals and Joey loves to play with her daughter Alyssa. You may remember me posting about her new place here. I was disappointed on Friday morning when Amy called and said that the blowing snow was drifting over her 1/2 mile long driveway pretty badly and that my mini van wouldn't be able to make it through. But I told her I would check with Kris to see if we could switch cars since he has a 4x4 suburban. Kris said we could switch and YAY I was so excited to go. We've had SO much snow here life has been a bit boring, so I was excited to get out.

On my way there the roads were pretty bad. It wasn't snowing real badly, but the wind was NUTS blowing all the snow that has fallen over the past month all over the road. I considered turning around and just going home a couple times, but then I thought well, I've gotten this far - if I go home now it'll just be a waste of time. I finally got to her house and the driveway was covered! But Kris' suburban got down it just fine! Given, it had just been plowed an hour beforehand by a farmer that lives close to Amy. It was still pretty snow covered, but Kris' car went through everything like a dream.

Amy and I were able to visit for a couple hours and I got to say hi to her horses and see all of her new chicks. She is such a good farm girl!! I love seeing how resourseful she is with things.

Well, at 8:30 her husband got home and said if I wanted to leave tonight, that I needed to leave right then and follow his tracks. I should have left right then, but I still sat around visiting for another 10-20 minutes. Then I loaded up my kids, gave Joey a snack, started a movie for savanna, said a little prayer I would get home safe, and headed out. I was shocked at how covered the driveway was - I could barely even see the tracks from when her husband had gotten home! But I knew if I was going to go I had to GO. Well, needless to say about 1/2 the way down her driveway, the suburban just couldn't and wouldn't go any further. The drifts were just too high. At this point I was 1/4 mile away from her house and knew the walk back w/ the kids would not be fun in the dark w/ the wind and waist high snow. So I decided to see if the car would back through the tracks we made in the snow. Thankfully it did!! I got about 1/2 way back, and was going a little too fast, and the car slipped off the driveway and into the ditch. Go figure. Amy and her family saw I was having problems, so they came out to help me get the kids back to the house. Thankfully I had all of Joey's snow gear and I had a sling and blankets to keep Savanna warm for the walk back.

Worst part of it: I had to call Kris and tell him I got his car stuck. He was not happy! He came out that night to try to get it out and to get some stuff out of his car he needed. I told him not to because he would have to walk through all of the snow to get to his car, but he was determined to try. I could have walked the kids out to the mini-van and gone home with him, but by that point it was 11 PM and it was 20 degrees and waist high snow. I don't think so!! Amy is the best friend ever and let me and the kids crash on her couches for the night. She offered her bed, but I told her the couches would be fine.

Kris came back out in the morning and Amy's wonderful neighbor farmer brought his HUGE tractor and plowed her driveway and pulled the suburban out of the ditch. Such a nice farmer! Joey had a good time with his sleep over at Alyssa's house, and he had some funny 'Joey Chatter' while we were there.

When I told him that we were going to have to stay the night and he could have a sleep over with Alyssa he said "I'm going to have to sleep in Michael's room because it smells like boy. Alyssa's room smells too girl." And then when Amy was getting us blankets to sleep on the couch with he asked her if they 'smell like boy or girl'. He wanted to make sure he wouldn't get anything that 'smelled like girl'. What a goofy boy!

In the end, I am thankful we got stuck on the driveway so close to the house vs. getting stuck on the road somewhere and being stuck w/ the kids. I am thankful that I just so happened to pack savanna's jammies and Joey's 'blanky'. I am very grateful that we didn't have any plans on Saturday. I feel bad for messing up Kris' busy busy weekend, but I'm glad he was able to come help get us home safe on Saturday.

Lesson learned for next time: Don't go to Amy's when the wind is blowing 2 1/2 feet of snow....

Little Miss Personality

The other day we were at Applebee's for dinner and Savanna was making quite a bit of noise with a book we had brought. In an effort to quiet her, I put my hand over the book. She immediately pushed my hand away, pointed at me and said "NO NO!" I did it again, and so did she! So Kris got his cell phone out and she repeated it for the camera! She's such an independant little thing... Any suggestions as to what I do with this girl when she's 13?? he he!

TOO MUCH SNOW!!

We have had a TON of snow recently - more snow than I EVER remember being around in my entire life. I remember serious snow falls, but we have had 3 snow storms in the past 2 weeks, all the snow just piling on top of snow from the previous storms. The following are some pictures of some recent happenings, as well as from the snow storm. Enjoy!

Here's a goofy one of Savanna - she was stacking the play-doh cans, adn I was quite impressed, so I thought I'd snap a picture. Her hair looks awful though and she has a goofy look on her face!

I wanted to snap this one of Savanna eating. It never ceases to amaze me how much this girl EATS! Recently, food has become an experience for her. She seems to savor every bite. It takes her forever to eat, but she always eats a good deal. And heaven forbid I try to feed her!! If she can't feed it to herself, she doesn't want to eat it!! The exceptions: yogurt and applesauce - she likes those enough to be fed! I think it amazes me she eats so much because Joey has never been like that. I think Joey could go days without eating and would be OK. It works for him, but it's nice to have a toddler now that I know is getting adequate nutrition! I was always worried about Joey at this age when it seemed like he never wanted to eat.

Speaking of eating, Joey has decided he LOVES corn on the cob. He asks for it often, even as a snack. Crazy kid! :)


Now here comes the snow pictures!!

Joey was attempting to make a snow angel in a snow drift!

Here's the snow pile by our mailbox! That mailbox is about 4.5 feet off the ground.

Savanna enjoying the snow! She discovered it is a delicacy and got her day's worth of water intake from snow!

I thought this was a good one of our dog! He has been loving the snow too!!

Here's a shot of the cozy coupe outback! This is not in a snow drift or pile - this is just straight snow fall. The car itself stands about 3 feet, so you can see here we got about 2 feet of snow over the past 2 weeks! And we are expecting another 6 inches this weekend! UGH

Here's the view out of our second story bedroom window! The snow is piled up on the roof that is above the porch - again, about 2 feet! Hopefully our roof is strong - the prospect of roof collapse does scare me - this snow is heavy stuff!

Today Joey and the kids I was babysitting decided to make a snow fort. They did pretty well!

Here is Joey and Catie with their fort! They did a great job!

All in all - we have had TOO MUCH SNOW! I am sick of it - it was fun to begin with, but now it's just getting rediculous. The fact there is more coming just makes me want to go cower - I'm in Ohio! Not Anartica! But it is beautiful and I've had lots of quality time with Joey since his school has been closed for 2 weeks now! ha ha!

Joey Chatter - grandpa's favorite and itchy brain

The other day we were at my dad's house with Amanda and her kids, so my dad had 6 of his grandkids there. He sat back enjoying the grand kids and said

"I love my grandkids so much!"

Joey, without flinching or even looking up from his dinner said

"But he loves me the best."

It was so off hand and nonchalant it was obvious he believed this!

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On Feb 4, my dad turned 58! For his birthday, we had him over for dinner. I was telling Joey earlier in the day about grandpa's birthday dinner.

Me: "Grandpa is coming over for dinner tonight! We are having Roast and Potatoes and we're making him a pie, it will be yummy!"

Joey: "Grandpa will love that!"

Me: "Yes, I think he will!"

Joey: "You know why he will love it?"

Me: "Why"

Joey: "Because I will be here!"

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The past couple days I have been fighting a cold, and I worried my kids might get it as well. Well, I think they have because Joey woke up this morning and said

Joey: "Mommy, my brain itches."

Me: "What?"

Joey: "My brain itches."

Me: "Where?" I thought maybe his hair itched?

Joey: "My brain itches where it's connected to my nose!"

Ha ha ha - poor kid must be getting a cold.