Cutting Up Spaghetti and Thoughts on Motherhood

Am I the only one that hates to come home from grocery shopping just to have to cook? I find it ironic that I go spend all that $ on groceries, then have no desire to cook any of it, so we often eat out or order in on days that I've grocery shopped. I think I get so exhuasted just shopping and keeping control of 2 kids while there that I just can't face the exhaustion of cooking. I don't really like cooking to begin with anyway.

Anyway, it is Friday today and Kris has been gone alot recently because he works like at least 60 hour weeks every week, plus for the past 2 weeks he has been taking dispatcher classes because he wants to become a part time/on call 911 dispatcher. The classes run for like 6 weeks. I swear the past 2 weeks I've really only seen him as he drags himself in at around midnight and then leaves for work again by 8 the next day. I feel bad for him - I know he's exhasuted.

Well tonight I went grocery shopping and finished around 7. Not wanting to come home and cook my kids another crappy dinner, and since I had some cool coupons to TGI Fridays, I decided me and the kids would go out for dinner. It felt odd for me to go into a restaurant like that with just me and my 2 kids, but hey - I'm a paying customer so it doesn't matter, right? We ended up having a blast!!! My kids were angels and it was really good quality bonding time for us. And I had a 'mom moment' that I really don't want to forget so I figured I would record it here.

As I cut up Savanna's spaghetti, a memory from my childhood hit me hard. I could suddenly CLEARLY remember (though I have no clue what age I was, but I think I was around Joey's age) my mother cutting spagetti up for me, and then I wanted to try, but couldn't even begin to do it right, so she finished cutting it up for me. I remember how I marveled at how easily she could cut it when I couldn't do it at all and how just from that, I thought she could do anything. I remember wanting to be able to cut up spaghetti as well as she could. I know it sounds stupid, but the memory was so clear in my head. And I could see Savanna and Joey watching me cut it up and I realized I had become like my mother. I remembered so clearly how I wanted to be just like my mom when I grew up - and now I am. It hit me how my life is exactly like I've always wanted it to be. It's definately not a perfect life by any stretch of the imagination - I would like to be debt free, I would like to be 40 lbs lighter, I would like to have more patience, I would like to have more horses - no, it's not a perfect life. BUT I relized beyond a shadow of a doubt tonight that it IS the perfect life for me. I am so beyond blessed and I know that the Lord has given me what I wanted, as well as what I need. I'm definately a mother now because I can't even get through cutting up my child's spaghetti without crying with joy. :) I do so love my kids and even though I get stressed about being a mom, it's times like this that I know I want nothing more than to be a good mom to my two perfect little ones.