This is something I struggle with on a very regular basis. I beat myself up about almost everything I do!
Examples from today alone:
- I felt guilty for letting my kids watch lots of TV while I cleaned (this house is scuzzy and it was getting to me)
- I felt guilty for ignoring the kids while I cleaned
- I felt guilty for giving my kids ravioli for lunch, and then macaroni/beef casserole for dinner - I mean only a bad mom would give her kids redundant meals like that, right?
- I felt guilty that Joey threw a fit in his Sunday School class and I was not made aware by the teacher until I picked him up from primary (because that's my fault, right?)
- I felt guilty for not having exciting activities planned for the 4th of July, even though we've seen fireworks shows the past 2 nights in a row.
- I felt guilty for not taking the kids to see Kris ride on the fire truck in a parade but having them nap instead (they have been up LATE too much and needed a nap!)
- I felt guilty that I made dinner a tad late and the kids were STARVING (although miracle is the kids actually eat dinner when they're hungry for it!)
- I felt guilty that I had put savanna to bed, and then took Joey out front to watch the fireworks that neighbors were putting off. I mean, Savanna's not even 2 yet, but I felt bad she was missing out on the fun.
- I felt guilty they didn't have more out door play today
- I felt guilty we forgot to say a prayer at dinner
- I felt guilty we're almost out of groceries and had slim pickin's for fruit today.
So this is a shout out to all you Mommas out there... how do you deal with your own mommy guilt?? It seems sometimes I can reason my way out of it because I know it's not rational, but sometimes I can't! So what to do. :) I'd love some advice from all the other moms! Or at least let me know I'm not alone in this!
5 comments:
Know that I am another mom out there that gives her kid’s cereal for dinner, mac n cheese, & hot dogs on a REGULAR basis! Ha! There is a lot that I could (or maybe should) be doing with/for my kids, but you know what...they'll live. And they are happy (okay, most of the time). The way that I am at "peace" with myself (b/c I beat myself up constantly too...hence, my weight issues) is that if you ask any other mother out there, and they are HONEST about the realities of motherhood, they experience a lot of the same things. Some people like to live in their "fake world" and you know what, if that works for them...FINE! BUT the reality of the situation is...50% of the time being a mom is great and 50% of the time it stinks! I guess it’s something that we all just have to work on...being more positive and rejoicing in the good things we do for our kids and the good things they do for us! You are a good Mom Sarah…
I think we have a vision in our minds of what a perfect mother is. I think we all know what that vision is. But the reality is if we were able to pull of the appearence of a perfect mom - perfectly dressed well groomed kids, clutter free spotless house, made from scratch homemade meals everyday, hobbies to beautify our home, canned preserves, lots of activities planned etc. etc. etc. - I think we would have to be ignoring our kids for large hunks of everyday. LOL The fact that your kids are so sweet and anyone can see you're a great mom is all that matters. There's always going to be something you could be doing. But that doesn't mean every second needs to be filled or naps should be ignored to squeeze in more fun. I constantly rotate between feeling guilty for not accomplishing enough (more often this one) or not spending more time doing fun things with my kids. So I think guilt just comes with the territory and something we need to learn to let go of and just enjoy our little ones. But I also think the guilt is just the sign of a good mommy. ;) {hugs}
Wow, that is a short list!
Seriously Sara, I think you can scratch most of those things off because your kids are happy and healthy and giving them pasta twice isn't a bad thing! lol.
You are definitely not alone!!!!! I struggle with this every day and feel like I am always screwing things up and not up to par with other moms. Look in the archives in my blog under March for the article called "the good enough mother". It helped a lot. It talked about how being a good enough mother is better for your kids then being a perfect mom. :)
Seriously, I'm feeling guilty just sitting here reading this blog post! :) I'm always telling my husband, "Why can't I be like that mom? She can do it, why can't I? Why does it seem like [fill in the blank] is so hard for me and every other mom seems to do it so easily?" My husband said something to me one of the times I was expounding on all my motherly inadequacies and guilt that made sense: You see ten different mothers doing ten different things well and combine all those ten moms into one super mom and say, 'Look at all those perfect moms,' when really each of them is doing a few things well, but struggling at some things just like you. Stop comparing yourself and just realize nobody can do it all." Well, I wish I could remember better exactly what he said, but it helps to realize that we have to roll with the daily punches, do our best each day, and realize there's a time and a season to accomplish all these different things and each of them probably won't get done every single day, but as long as we're making an effort--enduring to the end--, all of our other inadequacies will be made up for. Hopefully that makes sense. . . :)
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